From a communication perspective, the recent and unfortunate failed conversation between the two leaders highlights what needs to be considered when facing a difficult conversation.
Who are you talking to? What’s their personality like? Do you understand their strengths and weaknesses? What’s their position relative to yours? What’s the history between you? Where’s the meeting taking place? Who will be present? Will it be private or public? What do you need to achieve?
I won’t focus on Trump’s harsh, offensive, and humiliating response, but rather on Zelensky’s approach, since he was the one hoping for a productive conversation. It’s clear that the President of Ukraine walked into the meeting without fully considering or answering these critical questions.
Let’s break it down:
Who are you talking to? The President of the United States.
What’s his personality like? He’s used to giving orders, not taking them. Power is his ultimate goal, and he demands total control.
What are his strengths and weaknesses? He won’t tolerate advice or criticism. Every interaction is a battle for him, and he must come out on top. He’s unpredictable, provocative, and will say anything to feel dominant.
What’s the hierarchical dynamic? Both are presidents, but Trump leads the most powerful country on the planet.
What’s the history between you? The previous year, Zelensky expressed support for Kamala Harris in the U.S. elections, and Trump called him a dictator.
Where’s the meeting taking place? In the Oval Office of the White House, the seat of the U.S. presidency.
Who will be present? The president, the vice president, advisors, and journalists.
Will it be private or public? It will be public, filmed, and almost certainly go viral.
What do you need to achieve? Economic and military support to sustain the fight against the Russian invasion, along with help in planning a peaceful resolution.
In this context of significant vulnerability, Zelensky made the mistake of asking for help in a way that almost felt like a challenge: “You need it too… in times of war, everyone has problems, even you. You might not feel it now, but you will in the future.” He was asking for help, while also giving the U.S. president unsolicited advice! Trump?! How did Zelensky expect someone so arrogant, irritable, omnipotent, and narcissistic to respond? With a “Thank you, dear friend. I hadn’t realized. Thank goodness you’re here to show me why it’s in my best interest to help you”? Knowing Trump’s character, I can only imagine how he heard that: “You think you're above me? You don’t realize you’re not invulnerable? Do you think there won’t be consequences?”
The vice president quickly stepped in to defend Trump, reprimanding Zelensky for his lack of gratitude. We saw Trump’s fury ignite when, pointing his finger at Zelensky, he snapped: “You’re in no position to tell us what we should feel… you don’t have the cards on your side.”
It turned into a humiliating showdown—what looked like a defiant rooster being crushed by a brash, combative bull who put the challenger firmly "in his place."
If Zelensky had paused to answer these critical questions and maybe started with something like, “Thank you for having me and for what your country has already done to help us stop this invasion and keep us afloat. I’m here to ask for your help in ending this war in as dignified a way as possible…” and avoided interrupting Trump multiple times, maybe the conversation could have actually taken place. But in his desperation—and, I suspect, due to inadequate preparation—he walked into the meeting unprepared. And as a result, the clash occurred. Trump later underscored this when he said that “Zelensky didn’t seem like someone who wanted peace.”
Every difficult conversation requires thorough preparation. Without it, you risk turning a discussion into a hostile confrontation, which will derail any chance of reaching an agreement. This is a clear example of what can happen when preparation is neglected, and it offers valuable lessons for our own difficult conversations.
